Best jokes of all time

A heartwarming Call The Midwife... sparkling new versions of A Christmas Carol and Dracula... enchanting animations The Snail And The Whale and The Tiger Who Came To Tea... Yes, this promises to be a vintage year for Christmas TV.  And here, we’re highlighting the very best 100 shows to make sure you don’t miss a thing. So sit back, switch on and let us guide you through this wonderful time of year... DRAMA AND THRILLERS  Perennial favourites Call The Midwife and Doctor Who are back, along with a fresh look at the Profumo scandal and a reboot of classic vampire tale Dracula from the team behind Sherlock. 1. Dracula 1-3 January, 9pm, BBC1 In their spine-chilling new version of the vampire classic, Mark Gatiss says he and Steven Moffat – the pair behind Sherlock – ‘wanted to make Dracula the hero of his own story for the first time’. Pictured, Claes Bang as Dracula in the new BBC1 adaptation In their spine-chilling new … [Read more...] about Our top 100 Christmas TV countdown! From spine-chilling ghost stories to big belly laughs, we’ve picked out the very best shows to make sure you don’t miss a thing

Fans have called for Maya Jama to replace Caroline Flack on Love Island, after the show host was charged with assault on Friday morning. The presenter, 25, quickly became the front runner to take over the position from the TV personality, 40, after news of a fight at the home Caroline shares with boyfriend Lewis Burton raised questions about her future in TV. Caroline is currently slated to launch the winter edition of ITV's Love Island in South Africa from the start of January, but viewers wasted no time in choosing who should take over the role, and Rick Edwards even threw his hat into the ring. 'Maya Jama, your time is now!': Love Island fans wasted no time in picking a replacement for Caroline Flack on Friday after she was charged with assault In the early hours of Thursday morning, six police cars were seen outside Caroline's London home. A man, believed to be Flack's boyfriend, Lewis Burton, was treated for injuries, but his condition is not thought to be serious. … [Read more...] about ‘Maya Jama, your time is now!’: Love Island fans waste no time in picking a replacement for Caroline Flack (and cheeky Rick Edwards throws his hat into the ring!)

I have been writing children’s fiction for more than 10 years now, and still I would hesitate to define it; it is a slippery, various, quicksilver thing. But I do know, with more certainty than I usually feel about anything, what it is not: it is not exclusively for children. When I write, I write for two people, myself, age 12, and myself, now, and the book has to satisfy two distinct but connected appetites. My 12-year-old self wanted autonomy, peril, justice, food and above all a kind of density of atmosphere into which I could step and be engulfed. My adult self wants all those things, and also: acknowledgments of fear, love, failure. So what I try for when I write – failing often, but trying – is to put down in as few words as I can the things that I most urgently and desperately want children to know and adults to remember. Those of us who write for children are trying to arm them for the life ahead with everything we can find that is true. And perhaps also, … [Read more...] about Story time: the five children’s books every adult should read

To celebrate the launch of The Guardian Book of Football, a collection of the best football writing in this paper from the last 50 years, we have asked five great names from the world of football and football journalism to nominate the best British player in that time. Every day this week one of them will explain their choice, starting this morning with Peter Shilton singing Gordon Bank’s praises. Before the end of the week we will run a poll on this site so that you can vote for your favourite... It is very difficult to pick one player from 50 years of football but Gordon Banks would be up there with the greatest ever as far as I’m concerned. I always joke with Gordon that he let two goals in during the World Cup final and still ended up being on the winning team. But he’s a World Cup winner and he made a wonderful save from Pele, the world’s greatest player, and you don’t need to have done anything else in your career if you have those two things on your … [Read more...] about Poise, speed and awareness made Gordon Banks the best

ARSENAL once again put in a masterclass in how not to defend as they were blown away by Manchester City at the Emirates. The Citizens ran out easy 3-0 winners in North London as Kevin De Bruyne netted a double, while Raheem Sterling also got on the score sheet. The Gunners remain in ninth spot in the Premier League, meaning they are as close to the bottom three as they are to the top four. There weren't even many boos come the full-time whistle with fans now used to turning up to their ground expecting to be played off the pitch. Freddie Ljungberg started a side supporters were keen to see, but the majority of the players failed to turn up as they were no match for City's free and fast-flowing football. With a new manager surely soon to be appointed, you wouldn't be surprised if half of those that started are nowhere near the starting XI next season.Here's how SunSport's Jake Lambourne rated and slated the Gunners.BERND LENO - 6 Could do nothing about City's goals, and prevented De … [Read more...] about Arsenal ratings: Ozil useless, Sokratis a shambles with Martinelli best of a bad bunch