Of course Boris Johnson is a frustrated scriptwriter. It makes so much sense. Last week, Emily Sheffield – journalist and sister-in-law of David Cameron – unearthed a “hilariously awful” film pitch, apparently penned by Johnson, entitled Mission to Assyria. In the script, described by Johnson as “a glorious wish-fulfilment dream movie, a mixture of Golan-Globus and Raiders of the Lost Ark”, a brave archaeologist and possible Johnson stand-in named named Marmaduke Montmorency Burton attempts to rescue a Syrian city from the clutches of Islamic State. Enemies are beheaded, helicopters go “dugga, dugga, dugga, thwok, thwok, thwok” and, at the end, a “horrible cologne-drenched jihadi with an air of mincing menace” is murdered with the phrase “Aaargh. Splatteroo”. It sounds a bit like what Inglourious Basterds would have been like if the only film Quentin Tarantino had ever seen was Rambo III. Johnson has confirmed that … [Read more...] about Temple of Dumb: sequels to Boris Johnson’s ‘hilariously awful’ film pitch
Action and adventure films
20. Bratz: The Movie (2007) For the uninitiated, a Bratz doll is a Barbie doll without any of the intellectual heft. Accordingly, Bratz: The Movie is what Mean Girls would have been if everyone gave the impression of being there against their will. A terrible, miserable, cynical film that would have exploded if it had contained a single original idea. 19. My Little Pony: The Movie (1986) Not to be confused with the 2017 movie of the same name or the myriad straight-to-video sequels, My Little Pony: The Movie rode the mid-80s wave of animated toy films that also brought us The Care Bears Movie and Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw (more of which later). In this film, the ponies are forced to band together to save their land from a sentient purple gunk with a song called Nothing Can Stop the Smooze, which sounds exactly like what dying must feel like. 18. Dungeons & Dragons (2000) Again, not to be confused with the animated TV series, this reimagining starred the likes of Thora … [Read more...] about From Trolls to Transformers: toy films – ranked!
20. My Baby Just Cares for Me (1987) After it was used for a perfume ad, Nina Simone’s jazz classic made it into the top 10 in the autumn of 1987. Inspired, no doubt, by the (non-Aardman) video for a successful re-release of Jackie Wilson’s Reet Petite earlier in the year, this music video became a second bite at claymation-meets-1950s. Peter Lord, who directed, went with a sultry singing cat and some artistic shots of piano keys. 19. Next (1990) Aardman Animation secured a high-profile commission from Channel 4 at the end of the 80s: a five-part short film series called Lip Sync, mostly comprising animation of pre-recorded interview material. Next, directed by Barry Purves, deviates from the concept: its basic gag is that William Shakespeare himself is auditioning for an uninterested Peter Hall. On the stage, Shakespeare whizzes through references to every one of his plays; Hall couldn’t be less impressed. Clever. 18. Going Equipped (1990) A more orthodox … [Read more...] about Aardman’s 20 best films – ranked!
When Disney first announced its all-conquering, Netflix-killing streaming service Disney+, everyone’s mind automatically raced to the big ticket items; the Star Wars, the Marvels, the Frozens, and – if you were in the right sort of mood – the Wizards of Waverly Places. However, this week Disney announced the rest of the Disney+ catalogue in the form of a bizarrely long Twitter thread. And while everything can’t be the calibre of Dumbo or Aladdin, the list did somewhat help to remind people that Disney has also made a great swathe of crap. Especially confusing were its live action films, a genre that many moviegoers have completely forgotten about. Best of all, a great deal of these live action films had incredibly stupid names. How stupid? Glad you asked, here’s a ranking of the ten most stupid. 10. Sultan and the Rock Star (1980) Technically an hour-long episode of Disney’s Wonderful World, Sultan and the Rock Star is so obscure that the only trace … [Read more...] about Operation Dumbo Drop to Mr Boogedy: the 10 strangest Disney films
Entertainment & Arts Will Gompertz Arts editor @WillGompertzBBC on Twitter 5 October 2019 Share this with Facebook Share this with Messenger Share this with Twitter Share this with Email Share this with Facebook Share this with WhatsApp Share this with Messenger Share this with Twitter Share Share this with These are external links and will open in a new window Email Share this with Email Facebook Share this with Facebook Messenger Share this with Messenger Messenger Share this with Messenger Twitter Share this with Twitter Pinterest Share this with Pinterest WhatsApp Share this with WhatsApp LinkedIn Share this with LinkedIn Copy this link https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-49927216 Read more about sharing. These are external links and will open in a new window Close share panel They say people only go to the movies nowadays to see … [Read more...] about Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker: Will Gompertz reviews the film about Batman’s arch-enemy ★★★★☆