A woman’s rant about the stark reality of pregnancy has gone viral as women recall their own emotional roller coasters.
Blogger Kathryn Wallace shared her list of ’30 things the b****rds never tell you about being pregnant’ on her Facebook page and received a massive response from mums.
In it she talks about many of the aspects of pregnancy that are perhaps less than enjoyable – the sickness, the hunger, being prodded and poked, and of course, those regular requests from your midwife to ‘pi** in a pot’, which inevitably leads to ‘pi**ing over your hand’.
The post, shared on her Facebook page I Know, I Need To Stop Talking, has been shared more than 1,000 times and received more than 3,500 comments.
And it’s perhaps the mum-of-two’s description of just how much ‘pregnancy can elicit strong emotions’ that gets the biggest response.
In it, she says: “It WAS very sad when you found that one leaf alone on the pavement, with no other leaves around it, and you wondered whether that leaf had ever known the touch of another leaf, and burst into tears so histrionic on the pavement that a nice passer by asked you if they should call an ambulance for you.”
It sparked hundreds of responses from women who shared their own moments or irrational tears during pregnancy.
One said: “I cried at everything. Paint not drying fast enough, being huge, not being able to put my socks on. Being able to smell things 2 rooms away. Then after giving birth eating half a pound of chocolate a day, and my lady garden needed a strimmer.”
While another mum said: “It was the lone bananas in Asda that set me off. I used to move them next to a bunch so they wouldn’t be lonely.”
And another added: “I cried because I’d completely ruined our tea that I was cooking… I’d only put a pan of water on to boil. Mr sent me to sit down with a cuppa and he made the tea.”
She said: “I’ve been blogging for more than 10 years now, and started my blog because I wanted to provide an honest view of what life, parenting, adulting is really like – not the rose-tinted, heavily filtered and edited version of reality we so often see on social media these days.
“I wrote this post because while pregnancy can be amazing, and anyone who is able to get pregnant knows how lucky they are, it can also be pretty tough, and from the huge amount of engagement it has had it seems like I’m not the only woman out there who experienced all of this when expecting their children.”
Kathryn’s post in full…
30 THINGS THE B**TARDS NEVER TELL YOU ABOUT BEING PREGNANT
(And yes, you are bl**dy lucky to be able to get pregnant. But, seriously: this is Mother Nature having a f***ing laugh.)
#1 Everyone will now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have had sex.
#3 People will tell you that your breasts will get bigger. They will neglect to tell you that they also become so sensitive that someone brushing gently past it will be roughly equivalent to the pain you’d feel if they’d just amputated one of them. With a chainsaw. Dipped in acid.
#4 So much for the much longed for baby bump. You’ll spend circa 7 months looking only like you’ve eaten too many Gregg’s (vegan) sausage rolls, and the remaining 2 months looking like you’ve eaten a beanbag and then been buried up to your neck in lard.
#5 Apparently a pregnant lady only needs to eat an additional few hundred calories a day.
#8 Try an additional few THOUSAND calories.
#9 An hour.
#10 Ooh, and you get cravings.
#11 Mostly for All Of The Food.
#12 And then do All Of The Vomiting, because pregnancy is a d**k.
#13 Is that your waters breaking? Oh no, that’ll just be TWELVE LITRES of discharge. Like a f***ing Slip N Slide down there.
#14 Seriously: WTF?
#15 Before you get pregnant, you might feel risque wearing a skirt with a hemline above your knees.
#16 After you’ve been pregnant, you’ll be that used to being prodded and poked Down There that you’ll practically be selling tickets.
#17 Midwives like pregnant women to regularly pi** in a pot.
#18 IT IS F***ING IMPOSSIBLE TO PI** IN A POT WITHOUT SIMULTANEOUSLY PI**ING OVER YOUR HAND, SLEEVE AND HALF THE UPSTAIRS FLOOR OF YOUR HOUSE.
#19 If you are truly #blessed, you will have a partner who announces to all and sundry that “we” are pregnant.
#20 Which is funny, because I don’t see them grappling with piles, a leaky pelvic floor and heartburn that feels like you’ve got Vesuvius lodged somewhere under your breastbone.
#21 No, “we” are not pregnant. Pr**k.
#22 Pregnancy can elicit strong emotions.
#23 Which is okay, because it WAS very sad when you found that one leaf alone on the pavement, with no other leaves around it, and you wondered whether that leaf had ever known the touch of another leaf, and burst into tears so histrionic on the pavement that a nice passer by asked you if they should call an ambulance for you.
#24 Random strangers seem to think that it is okay, because you are pregnant, to grab your bump and rub their filthy hands all over it.
#25 Odd, because they seem most put out when you retaliate by grabbing *their* stomach.
#26 And don’t get me started on people speculating on the size of your bump. “It must be twins!” “It f***ing mustn’t.”
#27 Ooh, and did I mention the random spiky agonising pains up inside your vajayjay which feels like someone is shoving a chopstick up there, because who even knows why.
#28 The last two weeks of your pregnancy will feel like they are roughly the length of the Dark Ages. And several times more violent.
#29 But it’s okay, because there’s just childbirth to get through now, and that’s going to be a breeze, right?!
Can you relate to Kathryn’s post? Do you remember any of these from being pregnant or are you pregnant now and can relate? Let us know in the comments or share your views on our Manchester Family Facebook page here.
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