I recently saw a Christmas dinner ranking that absolutely horrified me.
Christmas dinner had been ranked best to worst. In best section? Pigs in blankets, Yorkshire puddings and stuffing. This doesn't sound so bad, right? I mean, everyone knows that pigs in blankets are the best bit of any festive dinner.
But things went horribly wrong beyond that.
As the list went on, broccoli had been ranked higher than turkey. Parsnips had been ranked the worst dish of all (why?) and the most horrifying part of all – roast potatoes were in the bottom section. It was an absolute disaster.
Everyone knows that roast potatoes are a nation favourite. They're a vital part of a Christmas dinner – as long as they've been smothered in goose fat and left to go super crispy, of course. So how on earth had broccoli – and even cranberry sauce and mash potato (which most definitely doesn't belong on a Christmas dinner) made it higher on the list than the traditional roastie? I was horrified.
And so, I've taken it upon myself to rank Christmas dinner myself, worst to best. Of course, we're never going to completely agree on this – everyone has their own taste. But surely anything is better than calling roast potatoes 'sh*t' – right?
Worst: Brussels sprouts
I don't quite understand why it's tradition to put these little green balls of leafy disappointment on a delicious plate of Christmas dinner. Why ruin a good thing? They basically taste like you're digging into layers of grass. Not nice.
Christmas vegetable trimmings
Carrots, peas, cabbage, broccoli – you name it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this dish – especially when the veggies are roasted. But there was just no way I could put this side dish above anything else on the list.
Let's face it, there's absolutely no way of making turkey taste great on its own.
It's something we tend to only have at Christmas for a reason. It's dry, it's pretty tasteless – and have you ever tried swallowing it without a large helping of gravy to wash it down? It's not easy.
There's no way of eating the turkey without it. It's the perfect mix of sweet and savoury – and it goes with pretty much everything on the plate. 10/10 would recommend.
Bread sauce is amazing. If I could put this higher on the list, I would – but I think there'd be some rage because bread sauce is a divisive option – you either love it or you don't. I for one absolutely love it. It's one of the things I look forward to having most at Christmas dinner.
Roast parsnips always seem to taste better at Christmas. They're delicious – and the perfect break from eating far too many roast potatoes. This glorious Christmas dinner addition does not get as much recognition as it should. Roast parsnips are a must on any Christmas dinner plate.
Yorkshire puddings are nice, yes. But would they really be that missed if they didn't make it to your plate? I mean, would you even notice? Yorkshire puddings are a worthy addition to the grand roast dinner. These are only going near the top because I know so many people absolutely love them. But they're not the be all and end all.
Of course, you can't have a Christmas dinner without gravy. It's what brings the dish together. And for that reason, I have to rank it quite highly – I mean, can you imagine demolishing the meal without it?
Roast potatoes are glorious. If I could put them a joint second, I would. The only thing stopping the beloved roast potato making it to the last two spots is the fact they're quite a common side dish. You can have them pretty much any when you like – homemade or frozen. They're not quite that special.
I'm not sure what it is about stuffing but those little balls of sage and onion are absolutely delicious. If you don't ask for copious amounts of stuffing at Christmas dinner, you're not doing it properly.
Best: Pigs in blankets
And finally, taking the top spot is the holy pig in a blanket.
It's an absolute travesty that we tend to only have these at Christmas – but perhaps that's what makes them so good. You can never get sick of them.
This delicious addition is what I look forward to most at Christmas dinner – and I don't care how many times my mum tells me I've put 'far too many' on my plate. The indigestion afterwards is totally worth it.
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