The Hunger Games: Catching Fire is a laudable, rousing movie that also made me feel like a total perv. How did this happen? To be fair, there are a handful of scenes in the movie that are fully meant to carry a sexual charge — Finnick's lascivious sugar cube scene, for one, or Johanna's totes inappropes elevator stripdown — and yet all too often, I found other moments to be titillating in ways that surely weren't intended. I promise you that I am not normally this person! (You know the sort of person: She's your co-worker Betsy, and that one weird day when you had to use her computer, you found that she was in the middle of writing a very NC-17 slash-fic starring Taylor Lautner and a bendy, bi-curious Robert Pattinson.) But in the interest of full disclosure, let me tell you the five Catching Fire scenes where I picked up on some weirdly sexual vibes; please raise three fingers to the air in solidarity if you found these moments to be unintentionally erotic, too.
When It Looks Like Cinna and Katniss Might Kiss else would they stand so unusually close together? Yes, this was an emotional moment for the two of them, but you can't just stand there stock-still with your beautiful lips just inches apart: Either go in for the hug or respect the friend zone and bob back a bit! Part of the problem may have been Lenny Kravitz's gorgeous Rorshach blot of a face: He's so impassive and opaque that you can project nearly anything onto him. Is he hungry? Annoyed? Is he about to tell Katniss, "I'm bisexual," and it's going to be awkward because she totally knew that already and now is really not the time? Tell me I'm not the only one who noticed this.
When Woody Harrelson's Nipples Are at High Alert that they could practically date Hayden Panettiere . Who was in charge of icing Woody Harrelson's man-mammaries in that scene, and why? Those things looked like they could cut glass (or Gloss ).
When Finnick Gives Peeta CPR Peeta constantly messes up in Catching Fire as part of a plan that's meant to off Mags, the morphling, and anyone else unfortunate to share screen time with the perma-falling baker's son. When you look at things that way, maybe Peeta walked into that force field on purpose, since it's just about the only way he could snag some mouth-to-mouth from Katniss, a desperate gamble for sexual attention that also scored him one very welcome bonus: Finnick shoving his fragile mentor Mags out of the way so he could be the very first person to put his lips to Peeta's. Josh Hutcherson, you earned your Out magazine cover with that one.
When Gale Gets Whipped Listen! I am not trying to get all S&M on you here: Obviously, Gale's whipping scene is a sad, scary moment and it's not meant to be sexy at all. So why were you leaning forward in your seat, silently willing director Francis Lawrence to cut to better angles of Liam Hemsworth's shirtless, writhing body? I wasn't doing it, you were doing it. Explain yourself.
When Haymitch Pins Katniss Up Against the Wall Fifty Shades of Grey between them. Again: The friend zone has been violated. I realize that Haymitch has a good excuse to be up in the girl on fire's face, but it's still weird how long they're full-on slammed against each other. Maybe we're reading too much into it, or maybe it's just a J.Law thing — after all, in the upcoming American Hustle , a heated confrontation between Lawrence and her nemesis Amy Adams actually does end with an unexpected kiss . But if you felt the same way about Catching Fire , let your freak flag fly and make your voice heard! (Just don't start shipping Plutarch Heavensbee and President Snow; there is a line, and you have crossed it.)
EDITED TO ADD: I cannot believe that I forgot to include two scenes suggested below in the comments: the moment where Katniss, Peeta, and Finnick writhe around in the boil-curing lake and make enough moaning noises to power an entire season of Red Shoe Diaries , and the scene where Finnick eagerly kneels to lap up the water coming out of that tree spigot with a gay-porn expression that positively screams, "Shoot it on my face, bro!" I'm not sure what it says about me that I found these omissions more embarrassing than the fact that I wrote this article in the first place.
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